The father of the house

by Shea Fite, The Narrows, March 23th, 2009

 

Over the years I have enjoyed watching episodes of “Leave it to Beaver”. I love the show because I readily relate to the Beave. His older brother Wally loved him and looked out for him, not unlike my brother. And although the two brothers didn’t always get along, it was very clear what role Ward, the father, had to play in their lives. The lines of communication were clear. When Wally and the Beave got out of line, it was up to Ward to take care of business. And Ward was a loving father. June loved him too. And she was beautiful. The thing I like most about him was his soft spoken presence of authority. Unfortunately, in our own culture this picture of a loving father has been slowly eroding over the last 5 decades.

 

So here is the deal. Somebody has been lying to us.

 

There is an idea floating that any authority that comes from the father in the home is inappropriate authority. Since so much pain and suffering that is inflicted on women and children in this culture is done so at the hand of us men, the idea simply states that all authority that comes from the dad is somehow destructive, inappropriate, and awkward. The tragedy shouldn’t be directed to the beautiful ladies that lead the home with us. In fact, for the most part, our wives communicate that they want to see our leadership felt. No this idea is much more elusive than simply blaming it on our spouses.

 

 

The tragedy is that we men have “bought the line.” We no longer believe that it is mandated that we lead our homes in any fashion whatsoever. Since we don’t know what to do with ourselves, we cower behind quietness. We refuse to confront issues at the heart level in loving kindness and instead decide to hold back and wait until these heart issues turn into action, drama and insanity. Then confronting them looks like anger, emotion and chaos. The kids are scared. The wives are broken and after a while their hearts become hardened to it all. And the whole family finds themselves east of Eden.

 

All of this is a result of looking at characters like Ward as ideal. This isn’t an ideal that can only be strived for but never attained. No this is the way it is must be. This leadership is what God intended, a loving kind father leading in a firm but gentle way.

 

I read this in the Message paraphrase of the bible the other day:
 

Romans 2:4
God is kind, but he's not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.

 

This is the loving father that I want to be to my children. Kind, but firm. Somewhere along the way, we have lost our way. We don’t know how to be this kind of father. I have to suggest that the only way to learn how to be a kind, loving and strong father is in the quiet presence of God. Secondly, we need to surround ourselves with like minded men who struggle toward the same purpose. In the company of men, we show each other who God is and how we can look more like him. And third, we need to be a listening and loving husband who is able to include our wives on this journey. Our wives are our other half and as equals have a lot to say about our leadership in the home.