Retribution

By Shea Fite, The Narrows, July 13th 2010
 

ret•ri•bu•tion  /ËŒretrəˈbyoÍžSHÉ™n/

Noun: Punishment that is considered to be morally right and fully deserved.

 
John Eldredge talks a lot about being wounded. In fact he brought clarity to an idea that psychologists wore completely out as they dug around in our pasts trying connect the dots about why we behave the way we do. They could tell there was something about this idea that when we bump up next to flesh and blood, it’s going to hurt. Raise your hand if you have ever been bruised by something a parent, a spouse or sibling said or if you have ever been hurt, frustrated or angered by someone close to you. Have you ever done something in response to an event that you later regretted? And why is it that those closest to you are the ones that can inflict the most pain on you?
 
Ever since Adam took a juicy bite out of some red delicious knowledge of good and evil, wounding and being wounded has been a fact of life. The whole situation reminds me of the word “justice”. Most of the time when I inflict serious pain on another, it is born out of a sense of justice. Somebody hurt me so I can hurt them back. It is in the defense of myself that I feel the freedom to cut deeper than normal. Retribution is a most powerful motivator of my more heinous words.
 
So what is at the core of all this hurting and being hurt? Why is it that our closest walks with others tend to spiral downward into these ugly, painful dialogues that are sometimes so wrought with emotions and cutting tones that we look to the right or left hoping that others might not overhear. It is, I believe, a state that swirls among our most precious relationships.
 

It isn’t from God. No, it is from an enemy that would rather not be named or identified. The subtle nature of strife and discord begs us to leave them hidden and go to great lengths to hide their existence. These are tools of the enemy of our soul. If we are to be in healthy relationships existing in a fallen world yet to be redeemed by the Kingdom of Heaven, we will have to deal with this relational pain. 

Now as men, I have to admit that we are great at dealing with physical pain and suffering. In fact, we idolize those who capture that ideal. In our youth, every boy admires the man willing to inflict the most pain on himself to become the champion. It's reminds me of boyhood games like busting knuckles. I still remember in the theater watching Rocky Balboa running, training for his next fight while tirelessly drinking raw eggs. My brother lent me a book once called The Longest Walk about this guy who escaped a Russian concentration camp in Siberia and walked out of the camp south through Russia, down through the Goby Desert, through the Himalayas onto his freedom in British held India. It was an amazing story of a man who triumphed over his own body, injustice and tasted the richness of a free life. Watching Andy Dufrane crawl through the sludge and grime of Shawshank feces to freedom in Stephen King's Shawshank Redemption does something to me every time I watch it.
 
These stories tell us about the things we admire and quicken us to the stuff we were made for. Yes, us guys are made to battle life, the elements, the injustice. We come to it naturally. What we don’t come to naturally is dealing with relational pain. (as a kid I would take the spanking over the lecture everytime.) In fact most of us would choose physical pain over relational pain. But unless we learn to deal with real pain, we will not enjoy the relationships that God has divinely brought to us. If God is the Grand Conspirator aligning and manipulating this fallen world to our good then we have to also believe that those that he brings in our lives are also there for a purpose. They are there as “Jesus with flesh on” as a mentor of mine puts it. I have heard it come from old men’s lips ever since I was young, “treasure those closest to you, It’s all that matters in the end” but I am powerless because I am the one doing the wounding. I tend to gravitate toward my own selfishness. When I perceive something is taken from me I lash out in pain; I inflict a wound. In vigilante justice I isolate myself hoping to inflict subtle passive pain. “I’ll show them” is my mantra all the while being wounded by my very own loneliness.
 
So I am going to assert that most of us guys can demonstrate physical strength but far too many of us lack the training necessary to love and lead relationally. But wait there is hope for all is not lost! God has made a way. We just need to meet someone that can show us the way. Would it be far too simple to say Jesus is the way? Well, the early church called this journey “The Way” for a reason. They wanted; desperately needed, a way to live together. In fact they craved it. And today is no different. We can chase most of our bad behavior back to a God craving. And the simplicity of the Gospel message where we hear about our God becoming a man so that the broken parts in us that wound others and leaves us stranded and lonely could be healed is just too much. It’s just too simple to believe and seemingly too hard to practice. Maybe the story is just too familiar. Maybe it is just to tough to execute on. I don’t believe so. Why? Because too many old men that I want to be like still talk about their exploits as young men and about how they still remember the moment when God’s Kingdom came alive in the person of Jesus Christ to them. Everyone of them will tell you they didn’t make it alone. Nope, that they had friends on the journey.
 
This relational pain thing terrifies me because I know I am going to wound my own flesh and blood.  They are going to need God's help.  I can only throw myself at His feet and ask for help!
  
Paul, a man who found himself at the end of his rope, chasing retribution, and living a life wounding others ran into Jesus on the road and had a God moment. I bet if you were around him, it was an experience he rarely talked about in detail. It was just too intimate. He wrote these words: 
 
1 Corinthians 1:17-21 (The Message)
 
And he didn't send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words. The Message that points to Christ on the Cross seems like sheer silliness to those hellbent on destruction, but for those on the way of salvation it makes perfect sense. This is the way God works, and most powerfully as it turns out.
 
Is God tugging at you to “right the ship” in some way? Are you feeling this inner pull toward cleaning up and straightening out? Maybe you are tired of hurting others. I can tell you from experience that you need help. You need others to help you in your journey. Those around you need you getting help. If you think it is just too painful, well that’s your first indicator that you’re no good a taking relational pain and you not alone! Come join the journey with the rest of us who are bad at it.  I'm serious, email me.